I turned 35 on April 13. 35 feels very old.
I remember when I was in my 20s and thought that people who were 35 should have it all figured out. They should be organized, they should be good at living life, they should be content, they should just “get it”.
Now, at 35, I think that’s just crazy. I have so much life to learn, so much life to live…I’m about to start a whole new chapter which just feels a little crazy… Good crazy, but crazy.
Our baby boy reached 35 weeks this morning.
Holy crap I am about to be a Mom. 5 more weeks is NOT a long time.
A few weeks ago I don’t think that this fact had hit me in quite the same way as it has in the last few days. The baby’s room is getting organized, the clothes are getting washed… I feel so disorganized and yet people tell me that I will figure it out and things will just naturally work.
How can I have gone through 35 years of needing to teach myself everything and then somehow I give birth and I just “get it”?
It’s all just natural? REALLY?
That can’t be true, can it?
A colleague told me yesterday that the baby is born and then all of the natural instincts kick in and become second nature. Let’s hope this is true because I have a long list of questions and would need all of my Mom friends on speed dial at all hours of the day to get them answered.
- What should the baby wear at every temperature?
- Should I wake the baby when he’s sleeping to keep him on a feeding schedule?
- A feeding schedule? What?
- I am reading a lot of books about the importance of sleep – how do I know that he’s getting quality sleep?
- Is it better to have full snaps or zipper onesies?
- When will I want to put pants on the baby instead of a onesie?
- Which socks are best?
- Where should the arms be when swaddling (lots of conflicting answers about this)?
- How will I know if the baby is eating enough?
And on and on and on and on….
J and I attended our first baby class last weekend. It was good in that it subsided some of my fears (like I thought that I wouldn’t be able to feel my legs with an epidural and that just seemed altogether TOO SCARY), but it also put some visuals into my head that perhaps I didn’t need. 10 centimeters is really really large and altogether too small. My body is actually going to DO THAT? What?!
I think it was a good class for J too… he is a pretty down to earth, extremely supportive guy, but I think that his having to sit through videos on natural birth was probably good for both of us. Don’t question my hormones, buddy! 🙂
I am feeling pretty good health wise. Large and tired and very stretched, but good. This whole “what’s coming next” thing is a bit scary since it’s like impending doom (minus the whole we finally get to meet our baby thing), but contractions and water breaking and c-sections and birth plans and ice chips…. I pretty much think about nothing else. I guess it’s a little too late to wonder what in the heck I’ve gotten myself (us) into?
Luckily J and I like to laugh a lot. The laughter is helpful, except when he’s laughing at me for doing things that I can only blame on pregnancy brain.
35 years. 35 weeks. CRAZY.