I am officially going crazy – I am blaming my 41 week, completely out of whack hormones.
Concentrating on anything is absolutely, positively impossible.
Walking occasionally feels like a mini hell if I happen to have to use the bathroom when I am even 2 minutes from home.
My belly is hard as a rock, which is awesome because I feel like I have rock hard abs. That will be something I won’t say for a VERY long time.
I can’t possibly do more laundry or “straighten up” any more.
I can’t run more errands or get another manicure / pedicure.
I can’t get another massage encouraging pressure point attention.
I can’t comfortably lay on my side or “relax”.
I am worried, scared out of my mind really, about how life is about to change.
It’s one thing when labor just sort of happens and you get carried away with contractions, getting to the hospital, etc… (or so I assume) and it’s a whole other thing when I think about walking in to the hospital, sitting in the waiting room and then just…WAITING… to be induced.
How will they do it? What will happen? How will I feel? Will it be too much stress on the baby? Can I really do this?
No really? Can I do this? For REAL?
I have read about options for induction and since technically my body is doing what it’s supposed to do to prepare for labor (except, you know, actually start labor), I hope to have options that I can try before going straight to medicine.
At least my doctor will be there, I feel good about that.
Part of me thinks that induction will be a breeze – I will already be in the hospital when I am in pain and can say “epidural please” before it gets too horrible.
I can watch as much TV as I want to. I have many episodes of Girls on my iPad for mindless distraction.
Obviously J will be there to hold my hand through the entire thing.
Part of me just wants to get this over with.
Part of me sort of wants baby G to just stay put :).
Really, at the end of the day, all I want is for both of us to be healthy.
Between here and there though, there’s a whole lot of worry. I can’t see the forest through the trees yet. I mean I do…but it isn’t real. It hasn’t set in. I am sure I will laugh about all of this by next week, but for right now…..scared.
I keep going into the nursery thinking about if there is anything else that I should / could vacuum or clean to be ready.
Wondering if there is more laundry, more prep, more planning…
I think though, that officially, we are ready. As ready as we could ever possibly be.
I think J has hit the excited stage. I am still too scared for excitement.
I know that will all change, but until then, pep talks welcome :).
I decided to take a few minutes and capture some images of this stage of pregnancy. I feel huge and uncomfortable and I definitely won’t miss the double chin or swollen ankles, but in the event that this is the last time I am blessed with a pregnancy, I wanted to capture this moment.
I have been really lucky for 10 months. I’ve had it relatively easy. I actually liked being pregnant until recently. I felt good in my body. I feel good about what I have done to protect this innocent life inside.
Here’s to 41 weeks and being able to see the light at the end, scary as it may be.
Hopefully next time I post it will be with a healthy, happy, baby boy in arms. xx.