I’m just going to say it. I’m totally and completely wiped.
I’m trying to keep it together, but that in itself is exhausting. Oh the to-do list…
Working a full-time job in Corporate America and being a full-time mom is hard. I have tremendous support in the form of my husband (who does SO much around the house and is an awesome dad, but also works full time) and my nanny (who is SO good with Simon that I NEVER worry for one iota when he’s not with me). I am lucky to have the support. I am no less tired because of it.
I haven’t figured it out. The whole work / life balance thing. The whole mom in Corporate America thing. It’s hard. Really, really hard. Some days I think, “I’ve got this!”, but the next day I think, “I don’t have this!”.
I am not sure where I go off course between “I’ve got it” and “oh shit…”, but I do. Oh do I…do we all??
I am a go-getter in every aspect of life and I don’t know how to turn that off. I try to compartmentalize my life when I am in the various roles that I play, but it’s really just hard. I keep saying it, but I can’t think of a better word. I am mentally drained.
My to-do list overflows with work and personal stuff – all important.
It doesn’t help that I am working on a huge project at work (one that I am super excited about, but that may turn my whole head gray before it’s done), or that Simon is sick again (seriously weather – stop it! Cold to hot to cold? Not cool!!).
I want to blog, plan a cute birthday party for my almost one-year old (!), and meet with my trainer. I want to eat dinner with my husband every night, make Simon’s food from scratch, and participate in my community. I also want to watch “The Voice” and read before bed.
I have my non-negotiables and I am trying hard to stick to them. I take Fridays “off” to be with Simon (swimming lessons!), but I work 4-10 hour (on a good day) days to do that. The flexible schedule is what saves my sanity. The gym in the middle of the day (ha!), the being able to flex some hours when Simon is sick, the 90% working from home… I know how incredibly lucky I am… but it’s still hard.
I know that I am not alone. I know this is life.
I know that busy (I hate that word) and tired doesn’t define me. I know that I am a good mom and that I try to be a good wife. I know that life is full of ebb and flow… maybe life could include a few more naps though?
This year, I have learned, more than anything, that I just can’t do it all.
For awhile I was totally doing it all. I amazed myself. I did it all until work got too busy to stop working at 5 and start again at 7. If I did it all I would be up until 3AM every night and a tired Mara is not a pleasant Mara.
Simon is happy, we aren’t wearing dirty clothes (not on purpose anyway), my house is (somewhat) presentable… I know that it’s all going to work itself out – things always do, but right now I could use an extra hour or two in my day.
I can’t say that a snuggly, sick baby was the worst way to spend my time today…if the snuggles didn’t come with a fever it would have been perfect. It was actually good to step away from my desk on a Tuesday, it really was.
Any advice for this working mom? How do you fit it all in and still feel like you’re putting your best foot forward with it all? How do you decide what gives?